Settling back into the world post-PantheaCon is a strange and mysterious thing. Every year, new things happen; and every year, I never know how to go forth and spread the happiness that fills my heart. This year was filled with ritual and learning, where in years past it was filled more with lecture and discussion. I've experienced so much, and I'm still struggling with the words.
This year I signed up to work on 3 different events, where last year I only worked one - and it was the first time ever I had worked at Con. I also was able to go to most of what I had originally wanted to, which is great for a convention when you don't actually know how it will all play out. Between what I attended and what I was working, I'm left with many thoughts ricocheting around my head, and new ideas seeking to grab hold.
Friday evening had me working on All Acts of Love and Pleasure. I was a Yoni Temple Tender - it is exactly what it sounds like. I was tending a 10' square Yoni Temple. A committee of people worked together to pitch a 10' pop-up tent, and then decorated it with a bunch of pillows and floor coverings, and an entrance that was designed to look like a vulva. Many found sanctuary in this space, and some found healing. The ritual was focused on consent, and that yes means yes. It was an excellent start to a powerfully charged weekend.
Saturday... Was a day of acceptance and feeling exactly what I felt like feeling. I woke up crabby in that "give me coffee now or I'll rip your throat out" sense. And I decided that I was allowed to feel like that. That I was allowed to not be a happy-go-lucky female, that I could feel things that are not considered "socially acceptable". I am not on this Earth for anyone's pleasure but my own, and to be able to have the time to honestly say "Fuck this shit" was a great reminder of how to live for myself. In an unexpected (though semi-planned) turn of events, I had decided that a good use of my time that day was to go for a run - and then to get a massage. It felt great to prioritize self-care in this fashion; I covered the gamut of emotional and bodily needs, it was fantastic.
That evening I worked Crossroads of Memory, I had the honor of aspecting Hekate. I'm finding that we can do as much preparation for aspecting as we want, but in the end nothing will even be able to prepare us for what's about to happen. This week I'm finding myself trying to make sense of what all happened, and I'm failing in a most horrible fashion. I feel different on a particle level, as if I really did turn into a cloud of smoke, to re-materialize before the next person deemed worthy of a message. As if when Hekate was within me, she healed places of me that I had long ago forgotten. All I remember is handing people a charged key and giving them words that they desperately needed to hear. The overall message that I was left to walk away with is that the keys we are given are just as capable of opening doors before as they are to locking the doors behind us.
Sunday was then filled by all of the things. I woke up surprisingly refreshed, in spite of my 2am bedtime. I went to yoga, and then to the Salon d' Aphrodite. I took a nap and then wandered down to the Baba Yaga ritual. I learned a lot, healed a lot, and realized a little bit more. The final evening of Con had me working the Mothers of the New Time ritual. We are setting off to build a 40' tall goddess and created a ritual around the many years of workings that we've done that have lead us to this place. It was a beautiful and powerful ritual in it's own rite. I was able to see the faces of the women who we are fighting for, who we are fighting with - as well as the faces of my brothers who will give us the space that we need to accomplish our goals.
The love that I have in my heart for all of this is overflowing. I spent my weekend really connecting with the community of people around me. I learned valuable things about endeavors that I have planned, I learned how easy it is to strike up conversation with new people, I remembered important tools that I haven't used in years. This was a year of growth. I'm so excited for whatever is next.